Growing up in a Muslim majority country -Malaysia, I hold genuine respect for Monarchy & Islam as the nation's official belief & religion. Within my own home, my family practises Daoism quietly and privately as part of daily life. On a personal level, Buddhism has become the philosophy and way of life I have grown closest to particularly since the passing of my friend. The concepts of karma, cause and effect, and the belief that things naturally course-correct over time have anchored me in ways that are difficult to fully articulate. I am grateful to be living in a country that, for all its complexities, remains broadly tolerant and continues to allow different faith systems to exist alongside one another in relative peace.

Back in 2020, when the Movement Control Order came into effect and lockdown began, a quiet panic set in. As a freelancer without a stable monthly income, the uncertainty of whether I could make it through financially began to consume me.

The worry did not stay contained, it spiralled, and before long it had taken hold of my sleep in 2021. Night after night, I could not switch off. At my worst, I went two full weeks without being able to fall asleep at all. What turned things around was stumbling across a hypnotherapist online. Rather than masking the problem with medication, the approach was about learning to live alongside it and gradually, through consistent daily practices like journaling with hand and breathing exercises.

I found my way back to sleep in 2022. It took years of practice to fully settle and back to 'normal' in 2023, but I came through it without a single pill, and I am deeply grateful for that. Today, my sleep is no longer at the mercy of my surroundings or the noise in my head. I wake up each morning feeling genuinely refreshed. I begin the day with prayer, and I carry a quiet gratitude that the root of my struggle was never hormonal or chemical in nature. The practices I developed during that difficult period of Covid remain a part of my daily life, and I have no intention of letting them go.

Growing up in a traditional household where sex education was never discussed, and where my parents simply did not have the language or comfort to approach the topic, I was left to piece things together on my own. The internet arrived early, and through classmates at school, I was first exposed to pornography at fourteen. Without any emotional awareness or guidance, it became a habitual tool for self-relief and for years I had no sense of the harm it was quietly causing, only that it provided momentary comfort in the moment.

It was not until Covid and the Movement Control Order that I came across the nofap movement and began to understand the science and reasoning behind it. That discovery reframed a great deal. What I have come to understand since is that self-control is perhaps the most demanding practice of all and it exists on a spectrum, not as a fixed state. There are highs and lows, setbacks and progress, much like everything else in life that is worth working on.

Sport and physical fitness were never priorities growing up — my focus was always locked onto the next goal, the next creative pursuit, one after another. Body image and weight were things I simply was not paying close attention to. When Covid hit and movement was restricted, the pattern got worse. Food delivery became a daily crutch, movement dropped to almost nothing, and one day I stepped on the scale and looked in the mirror — 90kg.

The number did not lie, even if I had been telling myself that carrying extra weight was fine. That self-assurance started to crack when my sleep quality declined and daily life began to feel heavier in ways I could not ignore. The people around me started saying what I had not wanted to hear — that my weight had crossed into genuinely unhealthy territory.

That was the turning point. A friend who had made the change himself became the model I needed. He inspired me and walked alongside me through the process, and I am grateful for that.

Back in 2017, just before graduating, I set my sights on hiking the tallest mountain in Malaysia and invited three friends to make the journey with me. To prepare, I committed to running laps around my university stadium daily, building the physical foundation I knew I would need.

The hike itself was demanding, but what I remember most is the final stretch to the peak. By that point, it was no longer a physical challenge — it was entirely a mental one. There were moments I genuinely wanted to quit. Having my friends there as anchors made the difference. Their presence pulled me through when my own resolve was wavering, and I made it to the top.

Had I given in to those moments of doubt, I would have turned back just short of the summit. That experience was the first time I truly understood the power of the mind — how it can either close the door on an outcome or hold it open long enough for you to walk through.

It took close to two years to reach this milestone as a solo creator and small freelance team, and it is worth being clear — this was revenue, not profit. My best year brought in RM200,000, but turning that into something genuinely profitable, starting from zero with no safety net, was a different challenge entirely due to the environment, culture and perception here.

I will not pretend luck played no part. For someone in my industry, with my personal principles, circumstances, and background, a fair amount of it was unavoidable and I acknowledge that honestly. What I am most grateful for is every paying client I encountered along the way — people from all walks of life and all races who chose to place their trust and their money in my work. That faith meant everything, and I do not take a single one of them for granted.

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