After graduating from university and reaching the end of my scholarship support, I began freelancing and searching for ways to build a sustainable income on my own. During that period, I read Crushing It! by Gary Vaynerchuk, which emphasized using social media as a tool for self-promotion and attracting clients. I still remember reading it on a bus while travelling to a photography assignment deep in the jungles of Kelantan, feeling inspired by the possibilities it presented.

After returning from that project, I created my first Facebook page and began promoting my work as much as I could. Even though my posts received very little engagement at first, I shared them across numerous Facebook groups without hesitation, hoping to introduce my work to a wider audience. Looking back, I now realize that while these efforts helped me gain visibility, they also gradually reshaped my subconscious mindset. Without noticing it at the time, I had started chasing attention and validation instead of concentrating on developing my craft.

Looking back, the journey was fascinating because I eventually realized that what I had been doing was marketing—I was simply marketing myself and my work in hopes of turning visibility into opportunities. As a freelancer whose livelihood depended on people discovering my services, greater exposure meant a higher chance that the right clients would find me, send inquiries, and ultimately become paying customers.

Over time, however, my relationship with social media began to change. I found myself chasing attention, creating light-hearted content with little depth because it resonated with a wider local audience. As my following grew, my creative intentions gradually shifted without me realizing it. Instead of creating from a place of personal expression, I began creating for the audience—trying to make people laugh, keep them entertained, and maximize engagement, views, and shares. In hindsight, I can see how the pursuit of visibility slowly transformed the purpose behind my work.

There was a period in my creative journey when trends and audience preferences took priority over my own desire for personal expression. Looking back, I don't see it as right or wrong—it was simply a phase of growth. Although some of the work I created during that time may now seem childish, humorous, or lacking deeper meaning, I remain proud of it because each piece represents an important stage in my development as both a photographer and an artist.

That period also taught me an invaluable lesson: how to create for others by understanding and prioritizing their needs before my own. It was this mindset that helped me build a freelance career and generate income. However, when the pandemic arrived, I became increasingly immersed in the world of social media. Gradually, my emotions and ego became intertwined with online numbers and engagement, causing me to lose touch with the reality around me. Eventually, I realized that followers, likes, and statistics have very little meaning outside the digital space.